And hungry.
Really, really hungry.
Almost two weeks ago I signed up for Weight Watchers Online. The first week went really well: I lost 3 pounds, even with treating myself to the occasional Ring Ding, and felt in control of my own body for the first time in a very long time. I was excited. I'd been getting depressed and desperate, seeing my weight slowly keep creeping up regardless of anything I tried. Following the WW program seemed to be working, even though I'm not comfortable being the sort of person who pays attention to getting unsweetened iced tea or whether the green beans have butter on them when she goes out to eat. I enjoy food, and I prefer to just not eat like an idiot rather than weighing out 28 grams of Cheerios (which is not that much, btw) or pouring my glass of milk into a measuring cup first.
This week has not been going nearly as well. I'm hungry--all the time. As a result I am also very pissy and quite distracted. Adding to my irritation, frustration, and other unpleasant -tions, I gained back 1.5 pounds. How can I be gaining weight back when I am distractingly hungry all freaking day? Vegetables just don't work for me--I'd have to sit and eat them all day like a gorilla. I don't want to overload on fruits, because of the sugar. I'm trying the "drink lots of water" trick--that just results in having to pee every half an hour in addition to being hungry all day.
I miss not being disgusted by what I see in the mirror. But it's really starting to feel like I'm never going to be a healthy weight again.
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